wartortles:

lonewolfheart:

wartortles:

im like horny for 30 hours a day

**correction. 69 hours a day**

thats just stupid theres not even 69 hours in a day

abwhoretion:

 

“Hello Lifealert”

“Hello Stella, are you okay?”

“… is your refrigerator running?”

“Stella, we’re all getting a little tired of your shit”

shalrath:

what doesnt kill you gives you exp points

harryedward:

i’m friends with everyone until they get better friends and kinda leave me

brbjellyfishing:

Maroon√25

pearls:

pearls:

i touched a dick once and it was the scariest thing in my life because it had a really cold head and i don’t know it wasn’t fun

sometimes the ‘i’ and ‘u’ shouldn’t be so close on the keyboard